Shortly after God let go of the celestial strings to Adam and Eve, humans
learned that He had made a momentous mistake. So much so, that we now have a
longing lust to gain a grip over everything possible. In earlier times, it used
to be by spear-heading pestilential wild cats and devouring the hunt but now
we’ve cooled our cognizance and instead of wolfing down those beasts, we considerately
name it all instead. Whether it is out of unconditional fondness or absolute
authority, when couture bags can be so courteously called upon with their
labels, then why not everything else right?
It’s become a tripping, trending tendency to title everything; living-dead-nonliving, past-present-future, loved- hated-mediocre. On some days it blooms out of the blue; an appellation we blurt out in blasphemy and relate it for days to come, a pet name we give to pet the pet, or perhaps a darling docket to a dear one.
But English ‘name-calling’ is center-filled with flavored ironies, just like the conundrum language itself. The only standard is that friend or foe, close or cold, we give them designer designations - which sometimes come with prejudices.
We have names. Our dogs and cats have names. The car we own, that good-luck necklace, personal computer and even a favorite tee have all been bathed and baptized in our pious practices. And we really haven’t stopped there.
The King used to be called Alexander the III but now so is the neighbor’s cat and Queen Adelaide is now our best friend’s goldfish. Favorite hideout has become the “secret society”, our room’s the pit, car’s batmobile, and teachers vary from Cruella to Confucius to Medusa to Moses. Our dog is “Marley”, our bike “Harley” and our guitar “Presley”. Cyber Monday. Ash Wednesday. Good Friday. Black Friday. Tuesdays seem to be more popular: Fat Tuesday, Super Tuesday, Shrove Tuesday, Black Tuesday, Patch Tuesday. Whether it comes from a holiday, a superstition, a belief or a habit, the elongated names of the days of the week are now more important than what we do in them. And everything else.
So after meeting someone, doing something, or going somewhere pick a chic name to kick off a spick relationship right at the nick.
Because a name now is a QR code to the PR game.
It’s become a tripping, trending tendency to title everything; living-dead-nonliving, past-present-future, loved- hated-mediocre. On some days it blooms out of the blue; an appellation we blurt out in blasphemy and relate it for days to come, a pet name we give to pet the pet, or perhaps a darling docket to a dear one.
But English ‘name-calling’ is center-filled with flavored ironies, just like the conundrum language itself. The only standard is that friend or foe, close or cold, we give them designer designations - which sometimes come with prejudices.
We have names. Our dogs and cats have names. The car we own, that good-luck necklace, personal computer and even a favorite tee have all been bathed and baptized in our pious practices. And we really haven’t stopped there.
The King used to be called Alexander the III but now so is the neighbor’s cat and Queen Adelaide is now our best friend’s goldfish. Favorite hideout has become the “secret society”, our room’s the pit, car’s batmobile, and teachers vary from Cruella to Confucius to Medusa to Moses. Our dog is “Marley”, our bike “Harley” and our guitar “Presley”. Cyber Monday. Ash Wednesday. Good Friday. Black Friday. Tuesdays seem to be more popular: Fat Tuesday, Super Tuesday, Shrove Tuesday, Black Tuesday, Patch Tuesday. Whether it comes from a holiday, a superstition, a belief or a habit, the elongated names of the days of the week are now more important than what we do in them. And everything else.
So after meeting someone, doing something, or going somewhere pick a chic name to kick off a spick relationship right at the nick.
Because a name now is a QR code to the PR game.
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