100.99

The Bull has taken his position and slobbering in sheer impatience for a greedy share. The Bear on the other hand has extorted all the meat from his conquest and surrendering in hope for future benefits. The stag works stealthily, getting all profits in difference of what he came to take and what he is taking. And the lame duck lies exhausted and fatigued; in pray to get his next prey soon.

No, this is not the live commentary for Animal Planet’s “Animal Cops”. This is the vicious, brutish world of the stock market.

The “Market” of the stock exchange can easily be compared to a typical Indian Bazaar where there is clamor, chaos, and charge. Where in the latter, there is yelling and selling for fruits and veggies, in the former, there used to be yelling and selling for shares. Thank goodness “The Big Board” era has gone. The Indian Bazaars need not worry.

Mutual Funds, Regulatory Framework, Capital Market Structure, Indices, Demat. The stock exchange world is based on face value of shares but honestly, isn’t all that pretty. It may, however, be about to get a staggering make-over!

The strenuous precision to two decimal places, approximately accurate expert analysis, choked up charts giving their graphs a CPR, wedged summaries trying to give their competitors a wedgie, infinite comparisons and meticulous forecasts trying to make that black profit-line tear the virtual paper, are all the sugar-free, fat-free and calorie-free chunks to the succulent and scandalous stock exchange pie (that perhaps the multinational moguls most want to steal).

In the standard world of red arrows and green arrows, the big business bucks depend on fluctuations of the oil market, natural calamities, speculative measures, political revolutions, customary activities etc but from now on, that standard world will be visiting business tycoons’ fan page before making a move.

Facebook has finally made up its blue and white mind and chosen NASDAQ as to where, very soon, its shares will be listed. But the most baffling question arises: what will make its stocks break charts or plummet down? If only Zuckerberg put this as his status update.

No oil calamity will have a direct relationship with facebook’s shares and neither will unexpected mergers and acquisitions raise its stakes. Has that time finally arrived that shares will only be in profit if and when Beyonce’s baby girl will have spoken her first words or if Pitt and Jolie would have decided on their wedding venue?

And by golly, what if this was how the corporate world worked?

-The shares of Michelin fell by 3 points because Hugh Hefner postponed his playboy mansion’s annual party.

-Autozone rose 2 because Kim Kardashian decided to never get married.

-Google gained 5 because Kristen Stewart has joined acting classes.

- Sears dropped 4 points because Oprah dropped 4 sizes.

- Berkshire Hathaway gained a point because Justin Bieber…..never mind. 

Forget Bloomberg or FOREX, businessmen and women will now watch “E!” and “The Late Show” to decide whether to buy or sell their shares. And instead of watching the updated stocks scroll at the bottom of the new channels, investors will be reading the gossip scroll at the bottom of CW. Or perhaps they will be just reading the Washington Post Social Reader on facebook.